Can all the racist men stand up? This one is for you…….

I like the idea of dating and enjoy it to an extent.

I have a love/hate relationship with it, nonetheless, I find it incredibly fascinating. I mean, the idea of meeting new people, engaging in conversations, gauging compatibility levels while scouring through trash. That is my kink!

As with every social change that occurs, you can either adapt or complain like the baby boomers. The current culture of dating involves online dating; dating apps have taken over the scene and they are here to stay. Do people still meet people face- to- face? or Am I doing this wrong?

As a millennial, transitioning to online dating was easy because I spend most of my time online, however, assimilating into online dating as a black woman in a predominantly white space has not been easy. Every so often, I would get my dating accounts and swipe until failure. If I’m lucky, I get about three white guys comparing me to hot and cold beverages. On a good day, I get compared to deserts. Yay, lucky me!

When this happens, I wear my “captain educate a racist cape” to teach these men about fertilisation and misogynoir. I get angry, delete my apps and come back after a few months.

The cycle continues………

You are probably wondering “if it’s that bad, why do you keep doing it?”

Well, guess what? I am bored, male attention makes me happy, it’s good to feel wanted and desirable, uuuhhh what else? Oh, can I be treated like every other woman?

Today, I had a moment when a guy I was talking to said to me “I do have a thing for black girls though just so you know so your already awesome in my book lol’. While my immediate reaction to this was disgust and anger, I decided to dissect this foolery.

Firstly, he can’t spell or form a complex sentence. But hey, I’m lucky he thinks I made it into his book. Secondly, I’m a black girl, he has a thing for black girls. Wow, look at my black privilege opening doors for me and elevating my social status.

I replied and asked him to tell me about himself and he said “….. I have a motorbike and go the coast for surfing, diving and kayaking”. In response to that, I said “sounds about white”.

Long story short, he got really angry, told me I took a stab at his race, and called me a racist.

LMAO.

Needless to say, this had my friends and I rolling on the floor with laughter. Two can play that game Matt, I won this round.

Whilst I found bits of this situation to be funny, that is not entirely my reality. There are lots of research and think pieces out there that explore the tough experiences of dating for black women. I understand everyone has their preferences, however, that is not an excuse for the way we are treated. Objectifying us in the most demeaning way tell us you do not see or recognise our womanhood and humanity. We are sexual beings, not sexual objects.

If you are a repeat offender that perpetuates this type of behavior, I just want to let you know that my intention for writing about this is not to change you. I could care less if you continue. Just know I can move mad and “madder” too, so, please keep that same energy when you open your mouth or use your fingers to type.

I am always ready for you.