Nothing New

If I see another “learn something new” motivational post on my social media, I might just lose it. I’m close to risking it all and fighting anyone that shares or alludes to that particular messaging.

I mean, who is really learning anything new in the midst of this chaos caused by the Covid-19 pandemic. Learning something new during this period is almost like learning how to drive with no intention of buying a car or owning one.

Every day I wake up and I’m grateful to be alive but I do not look forward to whatever the day will bring. Recently, I’ve felt stuck personally and professionally as things have been stagnant. As though that wasn’t difficult enough to contend with, trying to be safe while being confined to my house as I deal with a global stillness, it’s a wonder how I’m barely holding it together. This pandemic has exacerbated the self-diagnosed anxiety I already experience.

I’m not motivated to do anything productive and why should I be?

At this rate, what are my chances of surviving Covid-19? What will my life look like after this? Heck, what about the world? Will “the something new” I learn be relevant in a post Covid-19 era because let’s face it, this pandemic will cause a significant change in our social interactions and political economy.

There is no more positive energy in me as I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically.

But I wish I felt differently about this in a way that made me interested in learning new things when I was happier and the world was simpler, and I was ready to take on new challenges.

My goals and prospects seem all too bleak at the moment and in a not too distant future. Amid that and having these pessimistic gloomy thoughts, I might lose my mind at some point.