Thank you 2019, Next

As the year comes to an end, I always try to reflect on my life thus far, especially my romantic antics of 2019. Was it great? Am I satisfied? What am I looking forward to? Most importantly, what did I learn?

I made a conscientious effort to put myself out there because the goal was to learn new things about myself and the people I interact with. I definitely discovered amazing and disturbing qualities about myself. I had instances where I exhibited emotional maturity and threw tantrums in different circumstances [Sorry, I’m not a monolith.]

Being open to new experiences can be quite risky as it leaves you vulnerable to hurt and disappointments from different angles but I leaped and took a chance with every opportunity. Though there were a few good moments, It was not all smooth sailing but the last one hit the hardest as it left me heartbroken. Not only did I have to deal with the demise of a ‘situationship’ but also the end of a friendship which I held very dearly and cherished. Yes, it was with the same person and the most ‘ghetto’.

Constantly thinking about this has made me realise that respect is crucial in any form of relationship or friendship I have, as it is closely tied to my love for people and will determine how much I emotionally invest or detach.

The interesting thing for me is as much as I’ve been sad about the end of a potential partnership, I genuinely think I do/would not miss what would have been. However, I have moments where I reminisce about the good times of this friendship but remember the blatant disrespect. In moments like this, I’m glad my brain works the way it does because I’m reminded by the voice in my head that I deserve better and I hurt a little less.

In general, my take away from my little 2019 experiment is that I deserve happiness; I should be loved the way I want. I am grateful for the good and hard times as they were definitely teachable moments.